A few minutes later my friend replied, “Maybe she doesn’t want to go to the gym she might be quite comfortable just the way she is. There are a lot of people out there who are just fine with themselves but magazines, other people, TV, make them feel bad about their size.”

Fair enough.

I don’t doubt she’s happy or even comfortable; I just assume she would prefer to be a smaller size. I know being fat is not always about overeating, there are other factors (e.g. medical, emotional or psychological) that contribute to weight gain. Who knows what her reasons are yet we still judge or comment.

The issue of weight, especially for a woman, is a touchy subject and is not about the weight but the desire to feel wanted, accepted and loved. It seems socially acceptable to make fun of fat people because no one cares about their feelings.  “Fat people know that the first impression that others have of them may be negative. This leads to low self-esteem and shame.”

Not fair.

Losing weight is hard work, it’s not easy! Some people are choosing happiness over body size and have embraced the Fat Acceptance Movement, whose goal is to “change societal attitudes toward individuals who are fat.” I first read about fat acceptance on Kim’s blog over @ FatHappyGirl and I was moved by what she wrote below:

I think an important part of fat acceptance is really understanding what fat acceptance is. It’s personal, it’s not the same way for everyone. It isn’t just about being fat, it’s wanting to be treated equally and fairly. It’s about not wanting to be judged on being fat. It’s about being treated kindly because we are another human being. It means being free of assumptions and half truths. It means being judged less and loved more.

I’m trying to lose several pounds this year with the help of friends/family, my Wii Fit, cutting back² on junk food, making healthier food choices, portion control and regular exercise. Not everyone trying to lose weight wants to be a size 3 either, but a size comfortable.

I am not happy my clothes don’t fit anymore. I am not comfortable with my bulge, but I am a happy person. There are days when I dream of Frisbee sized cookies and days when my eyes are on the prize.  Can you be fat and healthy? Well there’s a bewildering array of conflicting opinions on the subject, but most of the studies I read said no. A few of them said yes. Can you be fat but happy? Absolutely!

So, what did I mean by my comment?  I’ve never heard anyone say they’re overweight because they want to be.  Either they don’t have the time to exercise or the money to buy nutritious foods. If someone is well off financially, to me that represents opportunity and freedom. Why wouldn’t someone use these tools to their physical advantage.

Later I apologize to my friend if I offended her with my comment, that’s never my intention, same goes with this post.  A person’s size would not prevent me from befriending or treating them with respect.  I do think it’s unfair that a person’s “worth”, especially a woman, is measured in pounds, that’s a heavy burden to bear almost more than the weight itself.

1. I’ll explain
2. not eliminating

Who's pulling your strings or controlling your life?

Do you care what other people think about you? I asked a few people this question and they said they don’t care what other people think. Well actually they said they don’t give a rat’s *** what people think, but I was putting it nicely.

Sometimes it seems like the attitude today, and not just from the younger generation, is: I’ll do what I please and if you don’t like it, then you can shove it. Some people like to believe that they live in their own world and nothing they do affects anyone. There is more concern about self and less concern about others.

Then there are the people pleasers who spend too much time caring what others think about them. They don’t live their life based on their thoughts, but on the opinions and approval of others. They thrive and need acceptance from others to feel validated as a person. I was reading something that said this need is like a drug, “it’s so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense.”

“The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves.”

Personally I don’t care what others think about me, most of the time people get it wrong anyway, but I do care how I am perceived. That means I’m okay with being weird (or being different) I can contently dance to the beat of my own drum, but if someone thinks I’m a horrible person, then we need to talk. I do care about my character, who I am as a person.

My question to you is: Where, and how, do you draw the line on how much influence and control you give other people. The comment section is open for your participation.

Michael Miles, the author of Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for Free said that we should “live our life by means of a set of values – not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective purposeful and happy life.”

Photo by starpixie on Flickr