Should You Care What Other People Think?
Who's pulling your strings or controlling your life?
Do you care what other people think about you? I asked a few people this question and they said they don’t care what other people think. Well actually they said they don’t give a rat’s *** what people think, but I was putting it nicely.
Sometimes it seems like the attitude today, and not just from the younger generation, is: I’ll do what I please and if you don’t like it, then you can shove it. Some people like to believe that they live in their own world and nothing they do affects anyone. There is more concern about self and less concern about others.
Then there are the people pleasers who spend too much time caring what others think about them. They don’t live their life based on their thoughts, but on the opinions and approval of others. They thrive and need acceptance from others to feel validated as a person. I was reading something that said this need is like a drug, “it’s so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense.”
“The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves.”
Personally I don’t care what others think about me, most of the time people get it wrong anyway, but I do care how I am perceived. That means I’m okay with being weird (or being different) I can contently dance to the beat of my own drum, but if someone thinks I’m a horrible person, then we need to talk. I do care about my character, who I am as a person.
My question to you is: Where, and how, do you draw the line on how much influence and control you give other people. The comment section is open for your participation.
Michael Miles, the author of Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for Free said that we should “live our life by means of a set of values – not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective purposeful and happy life.”
Photo by starpixie on Flickr
In: Emotions, Family, Just Thinking, Relationships · Tagged with: Control, Emotions, People
on January 1, 2009 at 9:22 pm
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Wishing you a happy, healthy, prosperous, and amazing 2009!
peace,
mike
livelife365
thanks mike, same to you.
Mike Foster´s last blog post..A New Year Brings New…What?
on January 1, 2009 at 9:34 pm
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Natural, Happy New Year and I took awhile to write on this post, because I was not sure of what I wanted to say -
I am finding blogging to be a grand opening sale for me….no lie, I am getting more respect and more people reading and responding to what I say than in my lifetime before.
Now I need to say that when I taught college level classes, after the first year, my classes were full and students wanted what I had to offer more than they worried about what I look like.
I feel beautiful most of the time, but I know that people who first meet me do not feel that way at all…and very few people listen to me when they first meet me. I do not turn heads. I dress as neatly and cleanly as I can.
I recognize that my outsides give one message and that what I write and say give another message. I dearly wish that they matched up…
I am 100 pounds overweight…and even with 17.5 hours of exercise a week, the blood pressure and weight reduction does not happen with ease.
I think all the Chemo therapy I have had has changed my body so greatly it does not work as a normal traditional body would…
I have an ugly growth on my lip which has been reduced greatly over the year, but they don’t know how to remove it – it is not cancer, but it is very off putting
I have had the good fortune to be picked by an architect to be married to – he loves beauty in all – and I have given birth to two very healthy and stunningly beautiful daughters and we adopted a third child with a cleft palate who is now beautiful and working on being an adult and a good member of society. I am most proud of what wonderful people of character that they are and are becoming.
I am intense and not funny – this is not appropriate for someone heavy
I am mostly bald on top of my head….I am a female with a comb over!
I was so skinny as a child my parents were called on the carpet several times.
People give me advice all the time…they are nervous when they meet me.
I am fairly brilliant but I do not think linearly, mathematically, or analytically…I can integrate ideas so quickly it is hard for others to understand me unless I write it down.
I care what other people think….I believe my appearance and how people respond to me has greatly changed my work opportunities.
I am one awesome person, and I believe my whole life has contributed – I find so much joy in life…that is what I want other’s to catch and experience.
wow patricia, you sound like an awesome person. as i said before, most times what people THINK they know about you, they get it wrong. thanks for sharing.
Patricia´s last blog post..Sparkling Tour with Bubbly Celebrations in Mind
on January 1, 2009 at 9:54 pm
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Happy New Year to you and yours!
thanks polly, same to you.
on January 2, 2009 at 1:19 am
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I would just like to wish you a Happy New Year!
All the best to you in 2009!
The Fitness Diva
thanks you too!
The Fitness Diva´s last blog post..Party Time!!
on January 2, 2009 at 10:18 am
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Happy New Year Natural. I wish you greatness in 2009.
I draw the line at where the criticism is coming from more so than the actual criticism. If it is someone I care about telling me something it has a lot more weight than someone who doesn’t care for me very much. In most cases people who already don’t like you are going to stomp on your character regardless of your good nature.
I surround myself with people who “keep it real” and have no problem telling me the truth. So that makes things a whole lot easier. They put things in perspective for me.
I can care little to what many folk have to say though. I’m going to do me. They are going to do them. Our hearts still beat at the end of the day… they just may not beat together.
good choice urban. draw the line at where the criticism is coming from. i keep a tight circle myself. people who don’t like you are just people who don’t know you…in most cases..i believe they stomp to the tune of envy
Urban Thought´s last blog post..Last Day of The Year
on January 2, 2009 at 11:42 am
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Dag nab it, I had a great response formulating while I was reading the post. Then I read the very first comment by Shelly, and my thunder was completely stolen.
I DO NOT care what other people think! I care how what I do impacts people.
It’s a matter of what I can control. I cannot control another person’s thought processes. I can control my own actions.
i know how you feel, i lose my thunder all the time and sometimes i hit a key and my comment disappears too!
that’s true also, we can’t control someone else’s thoughts, well not entirely, we can only control our actions, in the end.
on January 2, 2009 at 3:10 pm
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A very good, thought-provoking post. Personally I REALLY don’t care what people think about me, but I also tend to be anti-social, so I don’t effect others to a great degree, anyway. When I do go out, I’m civil (at least,) if not friendly & helpful (at best,) depending on the situation. However, I WILL yell at/about bad drivers in other cars from the safety & comfort of my own. They’ll never know it, & my own stress is relieved. No harm, no foul.
Sorry for my long absence, recently. Been busy with life & holiday stuff. Best to you & yours in 2009!
hey Lana, did you always NOT care or did something happen to make you not care in a throw your hands up kind of way? i can be very anti-social myself, i turn it on or off really, so sometimes i’m in my own little world and not thinking too much about what others think of me.
a good 09 to you and yours.
Lana´s last blog post..Audubon Insectarium & Contest Result
on January 2, 2009 at 7:43 pm
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Happy New Year to you and your family!!
Yo! girlfriend, what’s up. I hope you have a good one too. Maybe I should have put a post up on January 1 for everyone who has stopped by to wish me happiness and health too. I get health right, not just happiness? Cool. Well next year I’ll do that if I’m still around. Why am I rambling?
meleah rebeccah´s last blog post..Hello Internet!
on January 3, 2009 at 11:07 pm
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I grew up being both an unpopular geek till I turned 14 and moved to another school in another town to one of the most popular and then again Mr Noone in yet another new place. I am both independent but crave approval. I guess all of us do even if we don’t admit it.
I have a working hypothesis that a persons consists of three aspects: what he or she thinks of himself or herself, what the other think of him or her and what he or she really is.
To this I may add are the vectors towards what we want to be, what others want us to become and where our inner feeling tells us we should go. Their misalignments can cause anguish.
hey alex and welcome. i too am independent, i like me a lot and we get along well, on most days. maybe people who don’t like themselves as much are always looking for approval from others? thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ALex Great´s last blog post..Desires and Beliefs on the Path to the Truth
on January 3, 2009 at 11:49 pm
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sometimes i don’t care what other people think, because I have my own perspectives on my life. But c’mon we didn’t live in our world isn’t it? as far as it useful for me, i’ll think about it.
Happy new year!!! Your blog is nice, please visit my blog too.
nope, we don’t live in our own world, so then let not the world influence us…leave that for the people who know us well enough, everyone doesn’t have the privilege
on January 4, 2009 at 5:07 pm
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Most people will always answer “i don’t care” but they actually do just by answering this question. by nature we care at least about what one person think about us by been attracted to he/she or it jajaja
i think we all care a little and like you said, at least enough to answer the question. not to be over done.
on January 5, 2009 at 12:34 pm
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I think as a rule, that we all care more than we’d like to, about what others think and say of us. A good test is to really push the envelope of your natural wildness and then see if you give a damn about the reactions of others.
well i’m not pushing no envelopes, but i will push a few buttons from time to time
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog post..Be Authentic and Grow Rich
on January 5, 2009 at 8:37 pm
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Woah! Apparently this conversation strikes a nerve with some people. (of course, most of your posts do).
I really struggle with this question. I have always proudly exclaimed that I don’t care what people think, then after some self analyzing, found that everything I do I do to please someone else.
Then a wonderful thing happened – I turned 40! apparently that was a turning point for me and I decided I would live my conscience and that is the only natural authentic thing I can do.
It is a real struggle for me sometimes but I realized that people will say what people want to say, whether true or not, especially if it is negative.
So for the most part if you don’t like my values then I guess we aren’t going to be chums?!
that’s funny, a wonderful thing happened, you turned 40. well i don’t mind pleasing other people, but i do like to put a gate around the few i’m willing to serve.
on January 9, 2009 at 9:32 am
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you know what best for you.. don’t let people tells you what to do..
on January 19, 2009 at 11:50 am
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I care and take in consideration their ideas when I do not have clear decision but other conditions I do not care about their ideas..
it doesn’t hurt to listen i guess, but i won’t live by the opinions of everybody..a few opinions matter to me. thanks for sharing.
on February 10, 2009 at 12:30 am
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i do not care about what people think about me or what i do.
as its our life and why to think about what people will think about u ? enjoy and live the life u want in your own way instead of thinking about other people’s thinking on it.
we all care just a little, but some take it to the extreme. they live by someone else’s opinions – all the time.
on February 25, 2009 at 5:20 pm
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I think most people answer, “NO,” but they really do care.
Being one’s own person is HARD. Our society is built around perception and socialization, and very few people are willing to admit that they are willing to go it alone, even if they really are.
Despite the fact that between one-third and two-thirds of the population are, in fact, introverts, the media make introverts look as though we all have guns stuffed in our backpacks, and are just waiting for a chance to go fly off the handle.
I am more of a loner than most; I am more willing to admit that than most. But I will tell you that SOMETIMES, I do care when people have the wrong opinion of me.
Not everyone, of course. Just the people that matter.
i think everyone cares a little what people think…like you said, especially when they have the wrong opinion. i know i’m a classic example. people judge me from the outside – when they get to know me though – it’s like they are meeting another person. i’m a loner too, i love my alone time, but i also need my time with people that i’m close to..everybody needs love and a hug to survive. thanks for stopping by..i checked out your blog and will pop over to say hello a little later.
The Mother´s last blog post..No Mother is Allowed to be Sick Alone