E is for Episode
Sometimes my mom (hereinafter referred to as “E”) will surprise me and say or do something funny that gives me a glimmer of hope that we may actually be related. Blood related.
I often wonder about my ancestry and I just don’t see the connection.
Sesame Street used to have a segment – not sure if they still do – called One of These Things is Not Like The Other, I think. Anyway, a Muppet would compare four items, but one of the items doesn’t belong because it’s slightly different from the others.
There was even a jingle:
One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
Well I’m the slightly different object. Odd man out. The one that doesn’t belong. This is not a sit on the couch moment and E nor anyone else ever made me feel that way. I adopted the notion on my own and I wear it well.
She showed no favoritism among her children, just what we imagined, and we imagined my brother as her favorite. We add no animosity to it. But since I’m the closest to E, in proximity, in my mind, only I can collect brownie points and that puts me at an advantage over what anyone else believes.
I’m just saying when E does flaunt humor, she’s playing my song. I feel a connection, where I belong. West Virginia.
Anyhoo, we don’t have too many conversations on the phone because I’m a low talker and I hate the phone. Occasionally we’ll talk after Jeopardy but we don’t engage in small talk. She can’t hear me and I can’t speak up.
Regardless of infirmities, young or old, everyone receives the same amount of decibels from my larynx, I show no partiality. I can’t talk loud, scream or yell. If I ever got mugged, I would have to Tweet a scream because no one would hear me. I’ve never had an argument, but discussions. There is no yelling to my kid down the street to come inside, I’d have to send a messenger. And my kid doesn’t go down the street.
So I use the phone for its intended purpose: to impart information and hang up.
One evening E and I spent at least 15 minutes on the phone and she told me about an incident that happened at work. E works in a department store and has to deal with the-customer-is-always-right-and-knows-better-syndrome. One customer in her line was giving her the run around, trying to find a loophole in the system and make a purchase without following the procedure. Until she met: By the Book E.
So the woman says to E, “You don’t know what you’re doing.” Now if I was in the store, I would have let out a low growl to indicate my displeasure in her speaking to E that way, but I wasn’t. Or I would have taken a step back and let E handle it, and she did. So she says to the woman: “I don’t know what I’m doing because I’m listening to you tell me what to do.” And she went off on the woman.
E is smart and good at whatever she does, once she learns how to do it. When she’s not looking for the glasses she’s already wearing or the pocketbook she left in another department and then frantically calling her kids claiming it was stolen, she has a brilliant mind. All cashiers are not obtuse – forgetful but not dumb – don’t assume people can be treated that way because of their job.
So, E completed the customer’s transaction and handed her the receipt. Then she says, “Hand me the receipt back so I can write my name on the bottom and you can tell Department Store who gave you outstanding service.”
I was tickled and proud at the same time.
She said the customer stood there with her mouth open, shocked, and the people behind the woman behaved like they were being served by the Soup Nazi. It’s nice to be able to control a crowd with an act of lunacy.
I think news of E’s going off spread across Department Store’s floor like wildfire. She was untouchable for the rest of the day. I could enjoy that kind of authority, when people get ready to disrespect you, and then they remember “the incident” and think better of it.
The funny part is, the people standing in line behind the woman said, “Aren’t you Valerie’s mother?” They were friends of mine from my side of town. I said, “You told them no, right?” Neither one of us wants to be embarrassed by the other, we value our reputation. Mine is slightly more tarnished than hers, but I still like to keep what I have left, “spit-shined”. I’m sure if I was out in public causing a commotion, she would deny knowing me too. Nothing personal.
She answered in the affirmative, but assured me she did not use any profanity during her tirade. Like what was I going to do if she did. I still wish I could meet the woman who disrespected my mother, I won’t use any profanity either, but I do have a few choice words I’d like to share with her.
In: Humor, Rambling, Storytelling, WTH · Tagged with: Storytelling
on March 20, 2009 at 9:18 am
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Your mom sounds like a handful.
But I totally understand how she must have felt. I used to work on a counter, and many a time I’ve felt the deep need to grab hold of something heavy and let it fly across the counter. Even homeless drifters tend to think they own you if you’re a counter clerk and they’re paying you 25 cents.
she’s actually pleasant – you never see IT coming. oh man, i guess she is funny, in her own way. i can’t work with the public like that..i bow to those in customer service. you guys are awesome. i would hurt someone and it’s never worth it.
on March 20, 2009 at 9:57 am
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Hey Natural!
Why oh why did you have to do this to me? I’m now singing “one of these things is not like the other…” and it will probably be in my head all day!!! But at least now I actually know all the words, not just the main line…lol
Your mom rocks!! That’s awesome. I love it when people are able to stand up for themselves in front of rude, ignorant, arrogant people.
Keep on rockin E!!
now buf, you know you want that tune on your mp3 player for your workout. you can download it now, go ahead. so my inner kid is showing. i can dance to almost anything.
i thought it was hysterical. i would have laughed if i were there and then kindly walked the woman to her car.
Buf´s last blog post..Joining the Game
on March 20, 2009 at 10:46 am
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I like ur mom. She and I would get a long just swell
you would. i get a lot of compliments about her when i visit her job – she works 5 minutes away from me by car – like i raised her. lol
Grog´s last blog post..Traveling Safely
on March 20, 2009 at 12:52 pm
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Good for her! Just because you are on the other side of the counter doesn’t mean she must take whatever is thrown at her!! Yea! You should be proud of her that she isn’t a doormat for verbal abuse. She is my new hero!!!
Oh, you won’t be losing me due to the EC Scandal. Nope. I’m still following you and commenting regardless. Love your style!!! I hope you come visit me every once in awhile.
everyone should just follow the golden rule, treat people the way you would want to be treated. that would solve so many of the world’s problems. it’s not complicated. nope, not a doormat, she’s calm, but once you cross THAT line, you will get the “yank back”.
oh i have no problems with EC, it has been good to me. i feel like i was the one that benefited more because they sent me what i needed and now i’m okay to back out of the spotlight. i don’t have time to drop and i don’t feel like it. hopefully i will have more time to write and visit blogs. of course i’ll be over to visit you, i have you in my RSS reader – i’ll be making my rounds today.
Lin´s last blog post..Hobbes Reynolds
on March 20, 2009 at 1:51 pm
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“don’t assume people can be treated that way because of their job.” I will never understand why people are so quick to judge others based on their job, on their clothes, and don’t get me started on skin color and gender.
there’s a post right there vered. yeah and don’t get me started either, i’m already feel upset just thinking about it.
on March 20, 2009 at 7:58 pm
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FAAAAAABULOUS post, Valerie!
*Love the Munster Family photo!!
I was sitting here reading this, thinking…”I would love to meet your mother.”
Good for her, for speaking her mind! And I liked her response!
I’m also in retail, so I could really identify with the transaction she had with that woman.
Sounds like you and your mother have a very special bond – full of respect and honor.
I’m as you are in my family…the “odd man out.”
But I like being Odd!?*!
Tee, hee…
what’s up ron. glad you enjoyed rambling and the photo. i guess i look at my family and think where do i fit in, it’s all good – they feed me – different is cool. i did have a good laugh on the phone when E told me the story. there’s no need to be condescending to people – my mom doesn’t do loophole and under the table to get over – so the woman got upset, little did she know.
Ron´s last blog post..I Love to Eavesdrop
on March 21, 2009 at 8:05 am
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Natural,
I worked as a store clerk for almost seven years whilst in school and university, and I can certainly relate to your mother’s experience as you describe it.
I concur with other commentators, and I am glad that your mother stood up for herself.
To be sure, your mother is in a position of service in her capacity as a store clerk. Nevertheless, she is accountable first and foremost to the store, not to customers who attempt to use sneaky methods to avoid store procedures, and her action in this instance demonstrated a wonderful commitment to standing up for her employer.
then my hat is off to you too, 7 years of dealing with the public. i couldn’t do it. she was following procedure, but more importantly she has her own integrity that guides her. i respect that.
Andrew´s last blog post..‘Do not call’ means don’t call
on March 21, 2009 at 11:38 am
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Valerie,
A couple of things:
I could only hope to have the restraint that you and your mother apparently do. I would “go off on one” more than I’d like to admit – It’s the Irish, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
I don’t do phones either. I don’t like lengthy convos on the phone. My mother could talk the leg off an iron pot, but I just want to get off and get on with stuff – unless the person on the other end is particularly captivating. (Some are, not many.)
Jeopardy!!! Have we had this talk before? We love Jeopardy here! LOVE IT!
Have you seen the tournament? My money’s on Larissa Kelly if she can get her trigger-finger right.
Can I just say the grey-haired bird-lady really needed a bra-fitting. Can I say that? Please!
Kat
P.S. Send me an MSN so I can get you set up properly. I had two addresses and I don’t know which one is set. DUH!
some people deserve a good “going off” on, they overstep. that’s funny, your mom talking the leg off an iron pot – i rather be face to face and even then sometimes people are squinting at me.
are you kidding me. YES I’M WATCHING JEOPARDY. I LOVE IT!! LARISSA IS…I LOVE HER. i saw she was having trouble with ringing in and hope she gets it together. i am afraid of aaron though, i don’t like him, but the man is smart. my money is on larissa though – who i think has been dubbed the female ken jennings (and i still can’t believe ken missed the final jeopardy question that he did when he was on). oh yes all very exciting, i can’t wait.
yeah you can say that, she needed a bra fitting and an escort to the door.
send you a MSN? i would if i knew what that was. now i did sign up with @live.com and added you as a contact, but for some reason, i don’t know what the heck my email address or password is so i registered again and got a new email address. i think you have been sending me email at my yahoo account, but if you want my @live address just let me know. i think i wrote it down this time.
on March 21, 2009 at 1:26 pm
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Valerie,
I think you and your mom are just fantastic. I can relate to this….at least while my mom was still alive!
thanks to for dropping by …I am glad you enjoyed the ducks! your answer is yes he does have wings.
But what makes him different is that he stands completely upright like that when he is walking around. His feathers are tucked under. They are very funny to watch and that was an incredibly difficult shot to get.
he moves very fast!!
Happy Saturday!!:-)
she’s a nice mom, but don’t tell her i sing her praises on occasion, ssshhh.
. you just know you’re getting old when you agree with your parents.
does the duck have feathers? i’ve never seen anything like him. i need to go yahoole that duck. maybe very short feathers. you did great at getting a shot of him.
Shinade´s last blog post..Let’s Be Friends
on March 22, 2009 at 7:38 am
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I have to share my customer service story (you would be proud)
a male customer came into my insurance office (all women) one day, stood at the counter and tossed his bill with “what the “f” is this?” My office was past the other two customer service reps up a few steps on a separate landing. Before the ladies had a chance to answer I flew down the stairs (I didn’t use any) and met mr. wonderful at the counter. I picked it up and tossed it back with “oh, that’s your “f’n” bill.” he was questioning the installment charges which he didn’t like. I told him they were stupid and if he paid it in full he would show them!
Idiot! he came in later that day to apologize because he had been at the dentist that day. How stupid is that? I told him there were three of us in our office so he may want to mail his bill rather than chance PMS backlash! Moron….
you are right, I LOVE IT AND I AM PROUD. good for you. how you treat people is how you should get treated. i would have loved to have seen you in action. great response.
Dee Langdon-BloggerNewbie´s last blog post..When All Is Said And Done
on March 22, 2009 at 5:24 pm
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I like your mother! Working with the public is like working in hell, every day. I did it for years.
hi beth and welcome. btw, i did indeed tell my daughter to “go let the stink out.” she said what? what does that mean? i rambled. she accepted and every thing was copasetic. stink is also what i call her sometime. i’m glad she didn’t think i was telling her to go outside, this time, but to turn the tv off and do something else and we did. so we will use that term in this house now. thanks.
anywho…i rather work in the stock room with the lights off, standing on one leg while organizing black marbles on an incline than work with the public.
Beth´s last blog post..Link love
on March 22, 2009 at 9:05 pm
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Your mother E sounds like my kind of lady! I just LOVE what she said to the asshat customer!
(oh my god, have I ever told you HOW MUCH I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE?)
This post was very funny. I laughed OUT LOUD when you said:
“Regardless of infirmities, young or old, everyone receives the same amount of decibels from my larynx, I show no partiality. I can’t talk loud, scream or yell. If I ever got mugged, I would have to Tweet a scream because no one would hear me.”
HA HA HA “tweet a scream!”
Classic!
oh she said more to the customer, i just don’t remember it all, but we had a good laugh. you should see the elderly squinting at me, like what the heck are you saying – they be turning stuff down, shooing people to be quiet like i’m EF Hutton…i just move in a little closer and repeat what i said the first time. i think my tone is adequate for one on one conversation. and that’s right, i can’t scream, that’s why i don’t do horror movies. can’t pass the scream you have to do at the audition. such is life.
how you doing girlfriend. tough week for you over there. i’m sorry.
meleah rebeccah´s last blog post..Status Updates
on March 22, 2009 at 11:48 pm
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I knew there was someting uncommonly similar between you and me – you the Munster, me the Funster.
And I totally know that song from Sesame Street, it actually comes to mind once in a while, and I sing it.
I cannot imaginge not yelling, or being able to do so, you must be filled with a lot of grace.
lol. you funster, me munster. that’s right. hey i want to be a FUNster. i’m fun. i wonder if they still show that segment on SS…i bet you now they use iPods and Blackberrys instead of cookies and shoes as the example.
i just don’t have the voice to yell or scream. i can raise my voice a little, but it’s too much effort to maintain it. i’m not sure about the grace thing, i can be the silent terminator if necessary. there’s just no fanfare, but a boom and me quietly walking away from the scene. lol
Jannie Funster´s last blog post..Sofa buttocks et al
on March 23, 2009 at 8:50 am
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A rated “PG” cussing out is the best!!!!
what do you know about a PG cussing, you work in NY.
and i know what said to that man at the bus stop. lol. what’s up daughter.
on March 23, 2009 at 11:21 am
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I’m the odd ball of the family as well, but I do speak up and loudly if need be. Your mom has got it going on. She takes no crap from no one. My mom is like that to a certain extent and when I hear about anyone trying to pull a fast one on her, I confront them by treating them the same way they did her.
This was a really great post, I am recently new to your blog and I like what you have to say. Got you in my reader. Have a great day!
Deborah
hey deborah, i’ve seen your avatar and name around – thought i’d stop over to say hello. enjoy your reads over there.
that woman will know how to act if she ever comes back in the store.
Debo Hobo´s last blog post..Knock It Off! Cut It Out! Stop It!
on March 23, 2009 at 11:36 am
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What a cool mom!
Very nice!
mark, hey. nice to see you again. thanks. too bad customers are not as nice.
Mark Salinas´s last blog post..10/10/10
on March 23, 2009 at 12:43 pm
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Are you familiar with the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich? Your Mom, the store, and your friends in line remind me of some of the wacky things that happen in those books.
Your Mom sounds awesome!
i’ve heard of the author, but don’t know anything about her characters. i’ll have to add her to my book queue. thanks.
mom is cool, sometimes. sometimes she scares me.
Kim Woodbridge´s last blog post..10 WordPress Themes for Video Games
on March 24, 2009 at 6:19 am
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We are such kindred spirits, I really cannot believe it. My SIL has always, always said I am Marilyn Munster. I do not belong in that family and the differences are truly glaring.
Also, loved that you’d have to tweet a scream. I have a hard time yelling — decibel-wise as well, and I keep meaning to perfect my loud whistle using my fingers. I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m heading in that direction.
Glad to hear your mother told that chick what-for, in a polite and respectful way.
is that right, cg? that’s funny. so you understand then. what’s your story. blog about it. i just can’t yell, so i don’t try. i can raise my voice, but please.
cardiogirl´s last blog post..And today Bingo lives a normal life, except for the loss of balance
on March 24, 2009 at 12:01 pm
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put them in their place with class I always say sandy
my dear sandy, hello. man i was thinking about you yesterday. hope you are well. will see you soon. yeah with class, always.
sandy´s last blog post..Today is National" Hug a Sloth" Day
on March 24, 2009 at 12:34 pm
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LMAO Valerie – I love the photo. I never expected you to be quiet. You sound “loud” when you write – I mean that in a nice way.
I don’t blame your mom for sticking up for herself though – and asking the customer to sign the receipt to tell the store who had given her good service was hilarious. Too many people are rude to folk who work in stores and restaurants.
hi cath, that picture could be a family portrait. lol. oh no, i’m soft spoken, but not in a punk kind of way, but i’ll only say this once, okay twice sometimes. i write loud. that’s funny. i went back to read some of my older posts and i do cringe. i’m like what the heck was i on? i love the receipt thing. that was the nail in the coffin – she won’t give you anything less than great service, even when she’s putting you in your place. that’s too funny. that’s my mom.
on March 24, 2009 at 8:03 pm
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Just e-mail me and we can sort out the Microsoft Network (MSN) chat thing. We need to discuss the Jeopardy results. Whew!
Kat
kat i started to email you yesterday, then i said i would go cry on your blog but i was just too upset larissa lost. i can’t even talk about it right now. i will email you.
poetikat´s last blog post..Heroes (25 Who Have Had A Hand In The Making Of Me As A Writer)
on March 24, 2009 at 8:55 pm
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That was hilarious! I love to see a good going-off-on, though I usually get a little scared. The loophole, under the table thing is something I doubt I could ever learn to do, because I’m just too obvious and literal-minded. Though I understand its purpose, getting mad because somebody won’t play along — isn’t that a bit nervy?
Signing the receipt — as if daring her to complain! I just had to laugh!
dot you crack me up and i can tell you love to laugh. we’d get along well, i love making people laugh. i’m thinking of my favorite post of yours and now i’m laughing. it was funny as ever. you know the one i’m talking about, don’t you? hint: you broke a string of pearls. i’m sorry, but lolol. okay breathe…the lady was trying to save a few dollars, i’m cheap, i understand, but don’t try to get over by asking someone to do something they should not.
oh i love the receipt thing. classic. i have to give mom an emmy for that performance. she earned it.
Dot´s last blog post..The Painfulness of Hope
on March 25, 2009 at 12:48 am
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I love your post!! It was sweet and funny at the same time! Your mother sounds awesome!! I can do with borrowing a few lines from her….LOL!!
thanks evelyn. mom is cool too. i still want to whisper a few things to that woman though
Evelyn Lim´s last blog post..5 Wealth Affirmations From Famous Authors
on March 26, 2009 at 9:13 am
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Interesting how you got all protective at the end – it’s like, they annoy us but if anyone touches them…! That’s a funny story about what E did – certainly warrants a 15 min conversation!
yeah i know, don’t tell her. hehehe. yeah she can annoy me, she’s still mom, but seriously lady (in the store) you better watch yourself.
Robin´s last blog post..What If? The Movie, A Review
on March 26, 2009 at 7:34 pm
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Wow what a great story – I did retail work for years and public service jobs and there were so many moments when the Golden Rule needed to be thumb tacked to my head – I do have to get really steamed up though before I get angry. Smart Mom. What a good post – Thank you.
golden rule. so simple. easy. follow it and we would have less problems. everybody should be treated kindly and with respect. thanks. glad you enjoyed.
Patricia´s last blog post..A Cautionary Note
on March 27, 2009 at 7:39 am
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Some people need to be taught a lesson, E did it well
sometimes they do.
on March 27, 2009 at 1:19 pm
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Have a nice weekend!
i think i did mark, thank you. you do the same this weekend. okay?
on March 27, 2009 at 3:04 pm
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Your Mom sounds like a hoot! thanks for sharing.
she can make me laugh, this incident was just too funny. thanks for visiting.
Mark´s last blog post..Spring Is In the Air – Time To Clean House
on March 29, 2009 at 9:21 am
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Thank you for sharing this incident but I agree with the statement “The Customer is always right”. Without the customers, there is no good business so, let us do our best to satisfy the customer.
Well, Mom E did the right thing. I agree with Zunnur, sometimes the customer needs a lesson too.
I hope E she won’t get in trouble with the management.
that’s exactly why i can’t work with the public. they can be so wrong and won’t acknowledge it. i rather have nothing (no store) than put up with people like that. if we have rules and the customer can just come in and change them, what’s the point. anywho, hey raquel…thanks for sharing your thoughts. how you doing?
on March 29, 2009 at 11:31 am
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Your mom sounds awesome. I wish I could’ve seen her in action that day. I would have cheered her on — and I am NOT a low talker.
i wish i could have watched myself. you’re not a low talker? it’s so much fun to frustrate people. sometimes i move my lips and purposely hold back the sound. lol
JD at I Do Things´s last blog post..I Got a Tube Shoved Up My Nose so you don’t have to
on March 29, 2009 at 5:16 pm
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Maybe your parents never yelled at you? I think we are more capable of what we were brought up with.
And you ARE funny! The more I get to know you I am getting to know your dry wit.
wait, wait, wait. my wit is dry? sweet mother of bob, pass me the lubricants. lol. jannie, hello. oh i was yelled at, at least according to my standards.
Jannie Funster´s last blog post..Ukulele Video
on March 30, 2009 at 2:54 pm
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FYI: Ive had the song One of These Things is Not Like The Other, in my head for days now!
yeah i’m having flashbacks myself. it’s cool. i never tell people what my head is bopping to.
meleah rebeccah´s last blog post..My Week In Review
on March 31, 2009 at 4:56 am
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Hey, congratulations on the new site! I have lots of catching up to do!
what’s up big pumpkin. wow haven’t talked to you in a while. i’ll have to put you on my list of drop-ins. nice to see you.
Big Pumpkin´s last blog post..Yamaha piano ordered
on March 31, 2009 at 5:09 pm
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Friends are the family people consciously choose for themselves. As you awaken to all the lessons available from your biological and other family, you realize you have many reasons to be grateful wherever you are.
liara, that was beautiful, thanks for sharing.
Liara Covert´s last blog post..5 Ways to respond to the inner mystic
on April 6, 2009 at 5:44 am
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Hi Natural – I’m late for the party on this one, but do have to say, both you and your mom sound like awesome people. I wish I had been in line behind that woman and seen your mom in action.
I agree, we should never assume anything about a person based on what they do. Some of the smartest people I know have the least glamorous jobs. People who are quick to assume otherwise are often in for a big surprise.
hi barbara, thanks. that’s right. we shouldn’t assume and even if we do, there is still a way you talk to people and unfortunately for that woman, that wasn’t it.
on April 6, 2009 at 5:45 am
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Sorry Carla, who left a comment I couldn’t get back. I had some issues and had to restore a backup of my domain name before your comment was received.
valerie, shame on you. sorry carla, but thanks for stopping by.
on April 7, 2009 at 6:34 am
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Your mum sounds like a wonderful person. Having someone like that close to you is a true blessing, even if you don’t talk too much to each other. Plus anyone witty enough to come back with a line like that sure does deserve respect
she’s pretty cool. i have her tell that story again when we’re around the table. thanks for visiting.
on April 23, 2009 at 7:12 am
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Woah your mom sounds like a really fun person. Wouldn’t like to make her mad though…
she is, sometimes. when she’s not being a mom.
Stancja´s last blog post..Wroc?aw 23.04.2009: Mam do wynaj?cia
on April 30, 2009 at 4:53 pm
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Wow, that’s kind of crazy. Im surprised your mother didnt get written up or anything at work.
when you act a certain way, people know to leave you alone. they wouldn’t dare after that performance, lol
on October 9, 2009 at 4:55 am
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Customers are always right, but there’s always a way to ensure you retain fast control of the customer when selling.