Just so you know what to look for: Laugh: Boo: Applause: Crickets:
I was going to publish a live reading of this post in stand-up comedy format, but after several attempts and still not liking the sound of my voice, I nixed the idea and traded my microphone in for a keyboard.
I hope it reads like stand-up comedy, I even added a few interactive buttons for you to play with as you read along. So, please, sit back and pretend I’m on stage. I hope you enjoy the show.
Please welcome to the stage, Valerie Morrison. Applause:
How many of you remember the rotary phone? When the phone was just a phone. I think one of the reasons I don’t like the phone is because it’s complicated.
If the phone was a test, I would get an operator, a zero. I liked the phone back when all it did was make and receive phone calls, but now it has evolved into a call center. It can do things.
I think the phone has too many features, take for example, call waiting. When I was growing up there was no such thing as call waiting. Back in the day, call waiting meant using a rotary phone and waiting for the dial to come back around so that I could dial the next number. There was no clicking over, and for what? To tell the other person that I was on the phone and would call them back.
Personally, I liked when there was security posted at the door better known as, a busy signal. If someone called me and they got a busy signal, they had to wait. Of course, there was that one person who could not and dialed the operator with an emergency and interrupted my call. There was no real emergency, but an impatient person who never grasped the true meaning of call waiting.
The other feature I consider a useless overkill is three-way calling. Does anyone even use three-way calling anymore? It seems so high school. In my childhood home, three-way calling meant there was one line and two phones. One in the kitchen and one in the living room.
When a call came in two people picked up the phone at the same time and talked to whoever was on the other end; or until someone yelled, “I got it, hang up.”
And there were no games with phones without features. No screening calls and no avoiding people like there is today. The only Caller ID we had was, hello, who is this?
Now phones come with 100 features and voice mail. The phone has options. Press 1 for new messages, press 2 for voice mail, press 3 to set up your mailbox.
If you don’t know, I suck at following directions, that’s why I never took aerobics class at the gym. My brain shuts down. I can’t process certain information quickly and I start to panic. It’s the same panic I feel when I’m inside an elevator and I see someone running toward the closing doors.
Even though the buttons are clearly marked, open and close, I never press the right one. I panic under pressure and usually end up yelling ‘sorry’ as the doors close shut. Once, I pressed every button, but open, and had to stop on floors, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. When pressed for a decision made under a time constraint, I can’t cope and usually mess up.
Now a question for the audience. What is it about cordless phones that make people want to pace the floor? It’s like an exercise program with no jump rope. The cordless phone should come in a box with ankle weights.
Someone could be resting on the couch, but the minute that phone rings, and it’s for them, they start pacing the floor with the phone. I’ve watched people on the phone go from room to room – just walking – and I’m only getting bits and pieces of their conversation. It sounds like this: and she said…….never came home…the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Nothing makes sense! Not that I’m listening.
I’m just saying, I liked the phone better when it was attached to a cord. I could walk two feet, aaaand that’s it! Anything past two feet and the phone was snatched back and smashed up against the wall.
The cordless phone is never where it’s supposed to be anyway. It used to be when the phone rang, you reported to the wall to answer it. Now when the phone rings, if it’s not on that handset, well try and find it. The cordless phone was made to get lost. It says so right there on the base, find handset.
So not only is the phone lost, but after you press the find handset button, you have to locate the beep. It’s the same disorientation I get when I play pin the tail on the donkey. I don’t like it because it sucks.
I know this is a little long, so I’m going to wrap it up, but before I go I have to share a phone story.
A few weeks ago my computer at work was switched out and I was given another one, I guess you could call it an upgrade. Everything was basically the same, except one of the programs I use was not properly configured, the Message Manager.
The Message Manager handles voice mail message, it’s very simple. I launch the program, I click on the message, it rings my phone and it plays my message. I like it because it does not talk to me nor does it ask me any questions.
So my message light is red, indicating that I have a message. I launched the program, but it’s missing an IP address and can’t access the server. Basically that means for two days I did not check my voice mail. There is a way of retrieving voice mail messages using the phone, I’ve heard people do this, I’m just not smart enough to do it.
Eventually, I got tired of looking at my message light and I dialed a co-worker who is used to my nonsense and whispered:
“I don’t know how to retrieve my voice mail messages, from the phone.”
“Val, what are you talking about? You press the little envelope that says messages.”
“There’s an envelope? Oh, right there. There’s 300 buttons on this phone, but I see it now.” So I pressed the envelope and this woman started talking. She greeted me with a welcome message and told me to enter my extension and the pound sign. I entered my extension, 2177 and #.
Next she told me to enter my password. My password is my extension backward. This seems simple enough, but to an instructionally-challenged dyslexic, it’s numerical musical chairs and I needed a minute to think about what she was asking me to do.
After several attempts, maybe I was nervous or stupid, I could not type 7712 and the woman on the phone kept telling me that I had the wrong passcode and to please try again. After three tries I decided I didn’t like her tone and hung up on her.
I know I’m not phone literate, but darn it if I don’t know how to work a computer, so I sent an email to the HELP department. Unlike most people, I can’t send a normal email asking for help, I have to write a little ditty explaining my situation. My last email message to Help read this way:
Dear Help,
Thank you for the new computer, I hope my old one is not being used as evidence against me. I would like to retrieve my voice mail messages using the program on the computer, and not the phone, mainly because the woman on the phone talks too much, I can’t follow directions, but I’m down with clicking. Thank you.
“Has the Internet seduced us into thinking that we can in fact live in a world without other flesh and blood people, we can just deal with screen people.” Paul Comrie-Thomson
Photo @ illuminati-news.com
The other day I was talking with a friend who commented on how the use of the Internet has made people so impersonal that it’s taking the place of human interaction.
She said that “people are missing out on real pivotal moments in life because they are too plugged in, always stuck in front of the computer.”
After I got off the phone, I called at least 3 people to say hi, not that I don’t call them anyway, but I’m technology dependent, and sending an email hello is “normal”, preferred really.
Instead of picking up the phone to emotionally connect with someone and listening to their voice, phone calls have been replaced by text messaging, emails or tweets. Technology has made it so that we don’t have to deal with humans if we don’t want to.
A few weeks ago, we had dinner with an elderly family friend, she has to be at least 89 years old, visiting from Virginia.
She passed out her calling card printed with her name, address and phone number on it. After examining the card for a few seconds and looking on the back side, I said: “Where’s your email address, how am I supposed to contact you?” She said, “Use the phone number.” 1 Sometimes a phone call is better because we get to hear emotions and true feelings that we would not get in an email or text message.
I love the Internet, its usefulness, its convenience but life is not the sum of conveniences. In fact, it would probably be less convenient, but it might also be more meaningful, especially when we examine the social and psychological dislocations that it’s caused. 2
How do you stay “human” when technology makes it so easy for us to be emotionally detached. Does time spent online outweigh the time spent interacting with family and friends? Has technology affected our thinking and way of life that it is fast becoming, not our servant, but our master?
A little over a week ago I started feeling a nagging pain in my right index finger, especially around the joint area. The pain went away and then a few days later it returned. I thought it was kind of weird for only one of my fingers to be hurting, but okay.
Then I thought, maybe the pain had something to do with the graph below. I’m not an EntreCard drop master, yet, but do you think the repetitive clicking and scrolling has anything to do with it? 1
Of course, I can’t tell anyone why my finger really hurts. The real reason would seem so silly or too embarrassing that it’s just not worthy of the truth. Surely, I can come up with something a lot more colorful that will leave a crowd of listeners on the edge of their seats.
Here’s my “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it” reason for the soreness: I hit my finger on a tree branch while parachuting out of a plane. Much better. I’m a brave daredevil not a repetitive mouse clicker. A sore finger from dropping? I don’t think so.
Meanwhile, my finger continues to receive lots of TLC, massages and stretching. If that doesn’t work then I still have one more digit that is capable of clicking until I have to use my left hand.
What’s your most unbelievable injurystory? I know it’s funny, so spill it. Did you fess up or did you paint a colorful picture?
For those who don’t know: “Entrecard enables you to advertise your own Entrecard on any blog in the network. You pay for this advertising with Entrecard Credits, that you earn for free by networking (a.k.a. visiting blogs and dropping (via clicking) your card for other bloggers).”
I find bloggers either love EntreCard or they hate it. When I first signed up, I didn’t understand it, but most bloggers use EntreCard to: increase traffic to their blog(s), find other blogs or increase their Alexa ranking.
A while back, I commented on this blog1 that it was just a matter of time before we needed Blogtherapists to sort out issues some of us face as bloggers. I played out a conversation in my head as a possibility of what might be discussed regarding EntreCard and blogging. Listen in….
Blogtherapist: So you have EntreCard on the brain, but you’re not obsessed? Can you give me an example?
Blogger: Well, my inbox at work has the word “Drop” taped to the front of it. As people drop things in, I respond by saying: Thanks, Go! Go!, Alright, Yeah, Wicked, Awesome. I don’t think it’s obsessive, but people look at me funny.
Blogtherapist: I see and what do those sayings have to do with EntreCard.
Blogger: They’re messages that are equivalent to Thanks! and are shown at various numbers of drops per day. The more I drop, the more I move up in “Thanks.” It’s cool and I could use the encouragement because sometimes I can’t even find the widget I’m supposed to be clicking. I scroll up and down a blog, scanning every freaking banner, button and badge hoping one of them will peek-a-boo me the word “Drop”. It feels like an online version of Where’s Waldo. Very frustrating.
Blogtherapist: Okay now tell me about this new toolbar you mentioned.
Blogger: Oh the Entrebar! I like it because I can open multiple browser tabs for faster dropping.
Blogtherapist: That’s a good thing, no?
Blogger: Yes, but what bugs me is when bloggers add music to their blog and now I have these 10 tabs opened, I don’t know which one it is, I have to try to find the offender, turn off my own sound or click all of the tabs closed that I just opened.
Blogtherapist: I see and how does this make you feel?
Blogger: I feel annoyed and insulted because I have a radio. Maybe EntreCard can come up with a category for fast loading blogs, with widgets above the fold and no music in their network.
Blogtherapist: Well let me ask you this, do you want to end your relationship with EntreCard?
Blogger: [insert your answer here]
Back to the post. I happen to like EntreCard, not because of the dropping and traffic, but because I’m able to find some great blogs that I probably would not have otherwise found on my own.
I’ve read several complaints about EntreCard’s “hit and run” traffic, that people are only visiting blogs for the drop, and they don’t stick around. This is where I get confused. Once EntreCard brings you the traffic, isn’t it the bloggers job to get the reader to stay?
There are a gazillion blogs out there all screaming for attention and if you’re catering to drive by traffic, there is very little time for foreplay in posting. You kind of have to get in there, state your business and pull out. Perhaps a quicker and more effective technique may be needed to make them come again.
I don’t know how much of my traffic comes from EntreCard, but I can’t depend on it to do everything. I’m thinking I have to go out there and get some of the traffic myself. Personally, I think the best way to build traffic and readership is by commenting on other blogs. What about you?
Do you have a love/hate relationship with EntreCard?
Have you seen an increase of traffic since using them?
When someone gives you a compliment do you bask in the glory or downplay the remark?
I admit, when I was younger I eagerly accepted my compliments with bells, whistles and bows,1 but as I grew older, I ate my share of humble pie and then I did the reverse. After watching me play commendation dodge ball, one day my sister-in-law’s sister pulled me aside and said, “Just say thank you.”
If someone thinks we did an outstanding job, let’s bask in the glory. We need to ditch the attitude: “I’m not perfect enough” and give credit to ourselves and to the people who acknowledge us and our efforts. We all deserve compliments. And we deserve to take them. ~ PioneerThinking.com
So to Urban Panther, THANK YOU, for my first ever blogging award. I’ll hang it on my wall like it’s my first dollar. You can read her kind words here. Thank you to those who have sent me emails behind the scene as well.
This award has to be passed on to 5 bloggers. I planned to highlight Urban Panther’s blog in my Meet the Bloggers post, but she beat me to the punch. If you haven’t read her blog, pounce on over for a hello, you won’t be disappointed.
This next blogger is one of the hardest working bloggers I know. In my mind, her initials are not just letters, but exclamation marks. Her blog is immortal because she can do things for people even when she’s 80, and beyond. For example: “I Got Hip Replacement Surgery…so you don’t have to.” Well we don’t wish that on JD, so hobble on over to her blog for a laugh. Be sure to read my favorite post at I Do Things.
This next blogger has an unusual, but comical, love affair with her Apple MAC, they recently starred in her home movie “So Happy Together.” MHR is great writer who writes with emotion, humor, honesty and she’s the only blogger I know who can write a post called “Testing Comments” and her supportive readers show up in droves. Her blog is a fun to visit, she makes me think, smile and she can even get a salty discharge to flow from my eyes. This award goes to Momma Mia, Mea Culpa who probably has hundreds of them on her mantel already.
I also like this new blog I found, Debateur Debates. Her blog is about “serious topics for serious readers”, topics for the brain. Worth a visit.
I didn’t highlight 5 bloggers because I ran out of typing paper. If you have a blog you want to share, maybe a new one, please leave a link in the comment section, I’ll get it out of spam, eventually. I promise.
EDIT: I overlooked my very first award for “story telling” from Sandy, so I’m adding it to this post. Thanks Sandy, you’re the best. Charge the oversight to my head and not my heart. Much appreciated. ? ? ?
