Uh huh. I’ll tell you why I don’t believe this and I think people lie more often than they are willing to admit or even realize.

In the book The Day America Told the Truth, by James Patterson and Peter Kim it stated that “91 percent of Americans lie regularly. The majority of us find it hard to get through a week without lying and one in five can’t make it through a single day without bending the truth.”

Ninety-one percent! I don’t find that statistic surprising at all. It’s not always easy to know how one will react when the pressure is on.  We lie to be polite, we lie to impress, we lie to avoid punishment, we lie to flatter, but not all lies are meant to be harmful. I believe people lie more often than they realize because white lies, i.e. the Stork, Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, etc. are socially acceptable, whereas bald-faced lies¹ are not. White lies may appear to be harmless, but they are still lies, right?

Then there’s the lie by omission, we only tell half the truth. We omit certain facts, details or information leading someone to believe one thing when we know another to be true. Lying, even on a small scale, seems unavoidable.

We lie to our friends, we lie to strangers, we lie to our employer, we lie to ourselves and what did surprise me during my research for this post is that the majority of people we lie to are the ones we love the most.  That’s sad, but I understand why that may be true.

I’m no beacon of truth, just in case you’re wondering. I have told lies I’m not particularly proud of, but I still consider myself a trustworthy person.  Is it possible to be 100% honest all of the time, I say no, but there are ways to tactfully tell the truth, and without hurting someone’s feelings.  I travel on this road as often as possible.  While I don’t believe that most people are practice liars, I do believe a majority of people engage in some type of lying, daily, unless you happen to be George Costanza, then it’s not a lie if you believe it.

Is lying is the social lubricant that sustains a civil society or does “lying corrode trust and intimacy—the glue of a civil society?”²

Your thoughts?

1. or bold/bare faced lies
2. Livescience.com

The Wheel of Fortune we see today is not like the Wheel of Fortune of old when Vanna actually had to turn the square to reveal a letter. Now it’s computerized and we all know her job can be done electronically. To me, her job is the equivalent to when a contestant knows the puzzle, but they buy a vowel anyway. I don’t get it, but no hate here Vanna. It’s honest work and your job is not the only one I used to question.  Here’s two more:

Ramp Agent. That’s the person on the ground at the airport responsible for guiding the pilots with hand signals or orange flashlight wands into position next to the gate. Now if I’m the pilot, I’m thinking: I just flew an aircraft across the country, landed safely and there is someone on the ground the size of an ant signaling to me where and how to park my plane? Move out of the way, I got this, but that was before I actually searched a ramp agent’s duties. They do more than guide planes into parking spaces, but also perform a variety of maintenance activities. Who knew?

Conductor of an Orchestra. He doesn’t even have an instrument, but a stick. Actually it’s a baton, but stick is funnier. I used to look at the conductor and think, you have got to be kidding me.  He’s playing an “instrument” that doesn’t even make a sound.  That was before I knew his job was more than just waving a stick, but he has to:

• be intimately familiar with all of the musical pieces selected;
• encourage musicians to play louder or softer;
• be involved in the creative and business decisions long before the performance; and
• know precisely when each instrument enters the musical highway.

Thank you wisegeek.com

After reading the duties of a conductor, surprisingly, I felt a kinship. One of my favorite activities is cooking, and not your everyday cooking, but dinner parties. When I’m in the kitchen preparing meals for a large group, I feel like a conductor directing an orchestra of foods because:

• I too have to be intimately familiar with all of the foods I’m preparing;
• I have to encourage the food to cook faster or slower;
• I have to be involved in the creative decisions regarding the background music and selecting the right blend of guests attending; and
• I have to know precisely when each food has to enter the culinary highway to arrive on the table, hot, and at the same time.

Besides my attempts at humor, it’s one of the few times when I’m in a zone and I feel “on.”  Now, when I watch a conductor, I see myself standing in the middle of the kitchen, with my utensils raised, and I totally get it.

When are you on and what’s your talent when you are just doing the darn thing?

Note to Vanna: I owe you an apology. You obviously do more than I realized on Wheel of Fortune.  Who knew that you would:

• be intimately familiar with all of the puzzles selected;
• encourage contestants to buy a vowel when the puzzle is only missing vowels; and
• be involved in the creative and business decisions long before the show.

__ __M       S__R R Y      V__N N__      W__L L     Y__ __

__ V__R      F__R G__V__      M__?

Wheel of Fortune picture by Wikipedia
Ramp Agent photo by Hawkeye
Conductor photo by Dugway

Who's pulling your strings or controlling your life?

Do you care what other people think about you? I asked a few people this question and they said they don’t care what other people think. Well actually they said they don’t give a rat’s *** what people think, but I was putting it nicely.

Sometimes it seems like the attitude today, and not just from the younger generation, is: I’ll do what I please and if you don’t like it, then you can shove it. Some people like to believe that they live in their own world and nothing they do affects anyone. There is more concern about self and less concern about others.

Then there are the people pleasers who spend too much time caring what others think about them. They don’t live their life based on their thoughts, but on the opinions and approval of others. They thrive and need acceptance from others to feel validated as a person. I was reading something that said this need is like a drug, “it’s so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense.”

“The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves.”

Personally I don’t care what others think about me, most of the time people get it wrong anyway, but I do care how I am perceived. That means I’m okay with being weird (or being different) I can contently dance to the beat of my own drum, but if someone thinks I’m a horrible person, then we need to talk. I do care about my character, who I am as a person.

My question to you is: Where, and how, do you draw the line on how much influence and control you give other people. The comment section is open for your participation.

Michael Miles, the author of Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for Free said that we should “live our life by means of a set of values – not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective purposeful and happy life.”

Photo by starpixie on Flickr

Many years ago when I was much younger and could stay up late, I had a night time ritual. Every night before I went to bed, I would watch at least an hour of stand-up comedy on television.

I studied comedians, got to know some of them by face and many of them by name.  One night there was this new comedian performing, I don’t remember his name,¹ but I remember a portion of his act.

He joked about how everyone was always in a panic to be first. First in line to get the latest gadget. First in line at the bank. First in line at the grocery store.  He said: You know what? I don’t wanna be first, I wanna be next!²

Even though it was meant as a joke, I’ve never forgotten it and consider it one of my life lessons.  It made me wonder why we make everything, simple things, a competition to be first? I don’t know, maybe we are inherently competitive and can’t help ourselves?

There’s a guy named Greg Packer who makes a “hobby out of attending public appearances and is known for being first in line for such occasions. He is even credited with being first in line to purchase an iPhone in 2007, 110 hours before it went on sale.” Why?

I guess we love being first.  We get the attention, the bragging rights and let’s face it, sometimes it feels good being on top, but sometimes it’s an exhausting race to nowhere.

“Does being first really have the upper hand over being second or even fifth? Not necessarily.  Sometimes getting the formula right matters more than doing it first.” ³

I’m learning to be content with next.

1. sorry I’m old now
2. Awh come on, that’s funny
3. Quote from Ben Tracy

Photo @ illuminati-news.com

The other day I was talking with a friend who commented on how the use of the Internet has made people so impersonal that it’s taking the place of human interaction.

She said that “people are missing out on real pivotal moments in life because they are too plugged in, always stuck in front of the computer.”

After I got off the phone, I called at least 3 people to say hi, not that I don’t call them anyway, but I’m technology dependent, and sending an email hello is “normal”, preferred really.

Instead of picking up the phone to emotionally connect with someone and listening to their voice, phone calls have been replaced by text messaging, emails or tweets.  Technology has made it so that we don’t have to deal with humans if we don’t want to.

A few weeks ago, we had dinner with an elderly family friend, she has to be at least 89 years old, visiting from Virginia.

She passed out her calling card printed with her name, address and phone number on it.  After examining the card for a few seconds and looking on the back side, I said: “Where’s your email address, how am I supposed to contact you?”  She said, “Use the phone number.” ¹  Sometimes a phone call is better because we get to hear emotions and true feelings that we would not get in an email or text message.

I love the Internet, its usefulness, its convenience but life is not the sum of conveniences. In fact, it would probably be less convenient, but it might also be more meaningful, especially when we examine the social and psychological dislocations that it’s caused. ²

How do you stay “human” when technology makes it so easy for us to be emotionally detached.  Does time spent online outweigh the time spent interacting with family and friends?  Has technology affected our thinking and way of life that it is fast becoming, not our servant, but our master?

Additional Reading:
Against the Machine: Being Human in the Age of the Electronic Mob

1.   I hate the phone
2. social isolation

I have a million of them, no not dollars, but excuses, especially when it comes to why I think I can’t do something. Some excuses are lame, some are funny and they are so easy to make up. In some ways, they had become my truth. I believed them.

Lately, I’ve been listening to myself and others talk and I’m learning that one thing I don’t like about excuses is that they negate a try. I hear this a lot, “I can’t save money because I don’t have any money to save.” Under some circumstances this is true, but the possibility of saving may never happen if we have already excused ourselves from trying.

Rationaliza
tion is the process of trying to hide shameful conduct from ourselves.

I’m working on not using an excuse as a reason for not trying.  They do nothing but keep me from doing something.

Yesterday I woke up an hour later than usual and I was like darn, I’m going to be late! Immediately my body shut down and I started dragging my butt.  Then I said, well let me at least try to make it.  I had to reduce time spent on a few things, but I made it.  No, not everything is preventable, but some things are worth a try. I had a problem with tardiness, but since putting forth an effort, I have not been late once.

Excuses? Kind or Harmful. What do you think?  Also, do you prefer someone tell you they don’t want to do something or do you prefer the “flowery” excuse?

Chuck Gallozzi of Personal-Development.com suggested that we discover solutions instead of inventing excuses by planting this Garden of Success:

First, plant 3 rows of peas;

Patience
Positive thinking
Persistence

Next, plant 3 rows of squash;

Squash excuses
Squash blame
Squash criticism

Then, plant 3 rows of lettuce;

Let us be responsible
Let us be trustworthy
Let us be ambitious

Finish, with 3 rows of turnip;

Turn up when needed
Turn up with a smile
Turn up with confidence

Warning or Coincidence?

Let’s just say I sat on the Turnpike for so long, that twice I thought I was being followed until I realized that car behind me couldn’t get off the freeway either. ¹

I have my own theories on the ‘whys’ of traffic:

1. Merging
2. Failure to anticipate²

When I drive on the highway/freeway and I’m approaching merging traffic, if I’m in the slow lane,³ I move over to the middle lane to keep traffic moving. If I have to brake, so might the cars behind me.

Merging traffic is like double dutch, I drive in a way that allows people to jump in without stopping the flow. Same thing on the street. If I let one car turn left or right, even though I have the right of way, 10 cars can move on both sides again instead of holding up traffic.

I only got a blurb of the book, but Mr. Vanderbilt, the author of Traffic, says that traffic jams are not caused by flaws in road design, but by flaws in human nature. Rubber necking is caused by gawkers (people who slow down to look at accidents, dumped furniture or to dig out their cell phone to take a picture – “digi-necking”).

He also mentions in his book that because driving doesn’t command 100% of our attention, we feel comfortable multi-tasking: talking on the phone, eating, taking pictures and reading. The results? Accidents and traffic.

Okay, I admit, when I was sitting in first gear, I whipped out my camera. Maybe I learned to steer the wheel using my knees and it’s possible when traffic finally started moving, I glanced around for an explanation,⁴ but found none.

Who’s to blame? Road design or drivers? Here’s a video of Tom on the Today Show Video. I think my blog is about to crash.

1. Traffic births paranoia.
2. or care
3. which I usually am
4. bodies, ambulance, old couch

Just out of curiosity, are you feeling guilty about something right now, if so, what is it?

You don’t have to confess your sins in the comment section.¹ I’m not referring to the guilt we might feel when we do something morally wrong, but just in every day life.

Here’s what I’m feeling guilty about right now:

• Spending too much time on the computer
• Not putting away the laundry and cleaning the fish tank
• Not doing a favor for someone when they asked

Bloggers. Do you feel guilty when you have not posted in days or you haven’t replied to your comments right away?

If you weren’t feeling guilty before you read this, are you feeling guilty now?

Parents. Do you feel guilty when you take “me” time instead of spending it with your kid(s). Do you feel guilty when you have to go to work or you miss the school play?

Spouses. Do you feel guilty if you spend more time with your online friends than you do with your spouse or does guilt make you feel responsible for their happiness?

You.  Do you feel guilty that you’re not working on your big project or a hobby?

Guilt is everywhere, but why do we feel it and what does it really accomplish? On her website over at SelfCreation.com, Jennifer listed four reasons on why she felt guilt:

1. To get herself to behave differently
2. She thought good people were supposed to feel guilty
3. To show others she was a good person

She said her most popular reason for guilt was to try to get herself to do something she thought she “should” be doing, or stop herself from doing something she didn’t think she “should” be doing.”

A lot of times we carry around imagined guilt, it’s only in our mind and serves no real purpose. Even now, I’m feeling guilty about this long post, but I want to share a personal experience before I go.

My daughter is not home this week and I probably won’t see her again until Friday and then she leaves for Maryland on Sunday. So I’m feeling guilty because we’re not together.

Yesterday I went out with some girlfriends and I got home earlier than I thought, so I said I would drive out to see my kid, read with her and get a hug, that I probably needed.

Well when I got to where she was, you would’ve thought I busted up her party. I didn’t get the reception I thought I deserved, it wasn’t a short drive either. ² It was then that I stopped feeling guilty about us being apart, obviously, she’s fine with it, why wasn’t I? My guilt didn’t make her any happier, it was self-serving, to make me feel better.

I gave her a kiss, said good night and left my guilt behind. I feel less stress and guilt now.  She called me this morning and said, “Hi Mom.” I said, “Who is this?” She didn’t get the joke, she answered me.³

Hey, the truth is not the only thing that will set you free!  Learn to let go.

Letting Go
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
but to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

From “The Grace Awakening” by Chuck Swindoll

Photo by Zawaj.com

1. unless you want to
2. I thought I was super mom making that drive
3. I don’t think she’s mine, where’s her sense of humor?

What prompts my question is a book I’m reading, okay skimming, entitled Dumbing Down. The authors have concluded that:

National intelligence is plummeting and our society is essentially a consumer’s society where leisure time is used, no longer for self-perfection or acquisition of more social status, but for more consumption and more entertainment.

The results? We have been dumb downed and the effects can be seen in every aspect of our lives, but not limited to, such as in education, politics, journalism, literature, film and religion.

From my every other chapter understanding of this book we are a people no longer challenged or required to think. We don’t read and we live in a simple, user-friendly, push button society. We spend an exhaustible amount of time engaging in or watching asinine, bizarre and third rate entertainment while being spoon fed deficient information.

I thought the book was a little harsh, but it did communicate some valid points.

Has spell check ruined my life? You’re darn right it has, I can’t spell worth a darn anymore and I refuse to learn another phone number when I can just program it into my phone. Whose fault is it? Mine. We all have to assume personal responsibility when it comes to the choices we make and how we choose to spend our time. If we are “dumb” as a result, we have no one to blame, but ourselves. Maybe.

Are being duped by “some deliberate commercial strategy, an active procedure with goals of its own rather than a passive experience?” What do you think?

What most people don’t seem to realize is that there is just as much money to be made out of the wreckage of a civilization as from the upbuilding of one. Rhett Butler

There’s a rising number of women who choose to live without a man or family called The Freemale. Okay?

Here are some definitions for The Freemale that I found on the web:

A new breed of independent, single women showing that they don’t need a man to be happy;

Women who choose to be alone, and rejoice in a life where they can spend time and money as they wish;

Manless females who are too busy living life to the full to make space for a second tooth brush by the bathroom sink.

These definitions do make The Freemale seem rather selfish or self-centered rather than it being a conscious and personal choice.  What’s the difference?  Maybe these women choose to do otherwise with their life that has nothing to do with material things or too busy to be bothered. 

Some people feel that The Freemale’s reasons for not being in a relationship are less than truthful and that the real reason they are not in a relationship is because either they can’t find a man or no one has asked them to marry.

Basically, if a woman says she’s not interested in a romantic relationship with a man or in having a family, she’s lying. It’s every woman’s “happily ever after” to be married with 2.5 kids, the dog and the white picket fence.

I don’t know how you *show* that you don’t need a man, and who walks around saying they don’t need one?   Not me!  That would seem more weird to me than actually not being interested in one, but there are women out there who prefer to be unattached. I also know couples who choose to remain childless.  People refer to these situations as self-centered and selfish.  Are they?

Just thinking, is it every woman’s desire to be in a relationship? Do you think there are women out there who have made a conscious decision to live without a man (family) and are happy doing so, or are they being less than truthful?