Brain Damaged
I’m so [fill in the blank] at a loss for words, that I don’t know how to start this blog post. I purposely took a few days off from writing to deal with some other issues, but now when I look at my blog, I feel like a retina, slightly detached. I don’t have writer’s block, I just don’t remember how to blog. I need flash cards for bloggers.
Thinking has become an olympic sport of the mind and I’m standing on copper. I can hear myself telling my brain to move various body parts, I’m no longer two steps ahead of anything. Everything around me seems to be a concerted effort and I’m either moving in real time or slow motion.
I knew something was wrong when I got caught in the office kitchen staring at a stirrer trying to remember why I wanted it and how to use it, which could only mean one thing, I’m brain damaged. I’ve identified the damaged areas below:
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| From Blog Photos |
I’m doing some the weirdest stuff ever. The other day I went to get $20.00 worth of gas and the attendant only charged me $10.00. Now, I see and hear everything in slow motion so I’m sitting there watching myself act dumb and I say: You only charged me $10.00 and I got $20.00 worth of gas. I was looking at me asking myself am I really that crazy? I paid the man what he asked. This is gas!!! Step on it! I’m not that honest, I have a carousel full of office supplies at home to prove it. Mostly pens, which I will return after the ink runs out. I probably could have gotten away with it, if I wasn’t brain damaged. Instead I paid full price.
I’m forgetful too. Most days out of the week, I wear my sneakers to work and I carry my shoes in a bag for protection. Well I forgot them and thought I would be sent home to change. Well I didn’t feel like going back home and thought rolling around in the office wheel chair would be a better option. No one would have the audacity to ask why I am wearing sneakers while sitting in a wheel chair. I would be sooo excused. My other option was just to run around the office really fast. Instead, I emailed the director and got clearance to walk around in my sneakers for the day. He even offered to get my coffee and I looked at my sneakers thinking this forgetting stuff might not be so bad after all.
Further proof of brain damage is that my sensory skills were temporarily disconnected. I drunk more than a half bottle of wine because I didn’t feel intoxicated. I just thought it was a cheap bottle, but I realized when I woke up the next morning that I was just brain damaged. I felt something later.
I haven’t quite figured out what’s going on up there yet, maybe my trip to Pittsburgh this weekend will help snap me out of my walking coma. It’s nice to get away, I always feel like I’m leaving all my problems behind. I may even pretend to read a book.
Picture of brain provided by: www.unc.edu
In: Humor, Walking Coma · Tagged with: Brain Damaged
on July 11, 2008 at 2:35 pm
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Sounds like you might not be quite well, Valerie – either that or you’re sleep-deprived! Take care of yourself, and stop worrying about it, and all will return to normal!
Meanwhile, it’s made an interesting post! I love the diagram! LOL!
on July 11, 2008 at 3:43 pm
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Weird. Funny too, except that I am a little worried about you now. Are you getting enough quality sleep?
vereds last blog post..Google Search Terms: The Funny, The Sad, And The CREEPY
on July 11, 2008 at 4:15 pm
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Hi Natural,
I have to ask, did you ever get your computer fixed? Or, do you not want to think about that? Hehe
I don’t think you’re brain damaged, I think you NEED this trip away. Physical and mental breaks are often just what the doctor orders.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..FEFF – It’s Good For The Ego
on July 11, 2008 at 4:21 pm
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valerie:
This is one of your BEST and FUNNIEST posts ….EVER.
I loev every word, and I especailly love the cartoon that ilustrates al of the ways we are braindamaged.
Flash Cards for blogger? Hysterical.
Not knowing why you are using a coffee stirrer? Classic
Thinking it was ‘Cheap Wine’ until you felt the effects the next day? Priceless.
I have to say,I have never forgoten to put on my footware, but I have worn two different shoes at the same time – to the office. (on accident of course)
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..JCH Quotes
on July 11, 2008 at 4:22 pm
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Welcome to old age! LOL!
on July 11, 2008 at 7:13 pm
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whew you have the summer blahs it isn’t just me !!whew!!
sandys last blog post..I have thought long and hard and decided this was my face all week
on July 11, 2008 at 7:28 pm
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My dear, you are not alone. We’ve all been like this. Where have you been? Come on in! The water’s fine!
You need a break. It’s the best way to reverse dain bramage.
Awesome diagram! Geez. I couldn’t do that even if I wasn’t brain damaged myself. You’re being way too hard on yourself.
on July 11, 2008 at 7:39 pm
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You’re fine. I just haven’t taken you out drinking in almost a full WEEK so your brain is confused by it’s lack of vicarious Tuaca and hangovers. LOL
I have days like that more often than I’d like. I’m used to it now though. (ha ha) Although if some poor schmuck charged me ten bucks for twenty buck’s worth of gas… I’d have to take that and run.
Corrinas last blog post..Voice Mail That Doesn’t Suck
on July 11, 2008 at 7:49 pm
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Drink more water. That’s my cure-all for everything. And, yes: quality sleep. Treat yourself to a massage. Stay away from the wine. (Wow, I’m full of advice) Seriously, I hope you’re back to “normal” soon.
At least you haven’t forgotten how to blog!
JD at I Do Thingss last blog post..I Am Quotable so you don’t have to be
on July 11, 2008 at 8:54 pm
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I did an extensive study on this and found out one is inflicted with the condition on a temporary basis when having to deal with customer service or any government agency..you have all the symptoms..:))
on July 11, 2008 at 9:56 pm
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Okay, so my first reaction is “How old are you?” because seriously, we start to have days like that…way earlier than I thought!!! Next thought was, perhaps she’s missing a vitamin or two. Then the final thought was, maybe she should just go with this for awhile and see what else she can get away with at work. In the meantime, stay away from the stove and other items that can cause damage when left unattended.
Urban Panthers last blog post..Why men don’t react
on July 12, 2008 at 8:22 am
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Ha Ha Natural – you crack me up.
You must have a very posh job if you can’t wear sneakers! And I’m very impressed that you will return the pens when they have run out of ink. Nice brain, by the way!
Robins last blog post..Gratitude and Miracles
on July 12, 2008 at 11:24 am
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This sounds like stress. When I’m stressed I walk around feeling like a zombie all day. You have to get clearance from the director to wear sneakers? Yeah, I can see why you’re stressed. (And stop stealing office supplies
).
Marelisas last blog post..Create a Long List of Ways for You to Feel Good
on July 12, 2008 at 12:15 pm
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This is not blogger brain-damage, Valerie, this is the onset of Peri-menopause (Nah! You’re too young for that, right?) It’s just my problem. You’re right. It must be brain damage. You gave back the 10 bucks. Wow!
Kat
P.S. I’ve just worked out how to podcast my poem if you’re interested.
on July 12, 2008 at 1:11 pm
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OMFG.
I just realized I made like 25 typos in my comment above.
Note To Self:
dont write or leave comments on other people’s blogs while sneaking internet access at work.
on July 13, 2008 at 2:41 am
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You call it brain damage, I call it normal. You say crazy, I say genius.
The brain chart is too funny…
chriss last blog post..My Achilles Heel
on July 13, 2008 at 10:12 am
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Ha!!! I call it a brain fart. At least your spirit is still in tact and that’s really all you need to blog.
Mamaflos last blog post..A Visit To Brackenridge Park
on July 13, 2008 at 6:55 pm
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I’m with MamaFlo … this is a brain fart. Meaning, of course, that your brain diagram needs to depict some flatulence! Very funny stuff!
Brendas last blog post..Lessons while waiting
on July 13, 2008 at 7:11 pm
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Jay, I think sleep has something to do with it. I was feeling okay last week, but I took a U turn somewhere. Thanks.
Uh Vered, probably not as much sleep as I need. Hey I’m sure it’ll pass.
Barbara, uh no, it’s not fixed. They are coming back this week. Oh my trip! I was having a back and forth conversation with myself and I lost, so I stayed home. Didn’t go. Next month I will be in a better frame of mind to go.
Meleah, I was sitting at my desk during my lunch hour staring at the stupid cursor thinking: well aren’t you going to type something, since i had already uploaded the picture before i left. i feel like i need to be reintroduced to things (hence the flash cards).
I don’t know how long I was looking at that stirrer, but I sure did explain to the person who walked in on me why I was staring at that little wooden stick over the sink. Just having a senior moment and couldn’t remember the what or whys. LOL
I won’t even mention the wine, but it didn’t hit me until later, then it was more like a punch. I must make jokes when I experience trauma in my life, some kind of coping mechanism, now if only I could remember what happened. ROFL. I squint a lot. lol
RMR, what did you say, I can’t hear you. Is that was this is. Hmmm? How do you know.
Sandy, the summer is my favorite season, I run on solar power. If the sun is out, I should not have any blahs. No, I think something is going around blogosphere. I read several posts the other day about people being brain damaged or unable to remember stuff.
Kathy, you mean there are other people who walk around like this that don’t belong to AARP. Oh shoot, I hope they don’t post on this blog now, darn tracking devices. I took a computer break and I’ve been without my child for a few days. Maybe it’s work!
Corrina, you know how much I need my girls night out. Next week we better balance the universe and make up for loss time, okay? Maybe the gas attendant was also brain damaged. I told him he better be glad it was me.
JD, you sound like my brother, that’s his cure all for everything. No, I think I want a mudslide. Oh wait, a massage sounds great. Thanks.
Robert, you might be correct. All that time on the freaking phone probably zapped my brain cells.
Urban, I’m 36, I think…counting. Yeah that’s right. Yes, I’m missing vitamins too, I should start taking them again, I forget. I will keep out of the kitchen, I hate it in there.
Robin, nah, we can’t wear sneakers, but wouldn’t you know that was the first day my sciatic nerve didn’t bother me. I think I should get a doctors note. Yes, I’m borrowing the pens, I will return them.
Marelisa, I don’t think of myself as a stressed person, but maybe I just process it differently like shutting down. I released some stress – would like to be back to ‘normal’ soon. Office supplies: just a few post it notes, some pens, highlighters. All to be returned upon termination, which maybe sooner than I think after they read this post. I know they view my internet activity. Humph.
Poetikat, I wouldn’t be surprised. I rather have a medical name for what’s going on other than, duhhhhh. I’ll be over to check out your podcast, cool. Yeah I corrected his mistake…brain damaged.
Meleah, you CRACK ME UP!!! you were just typing fast,that’s all. I do the same, I type one thing and think another and put them both on paper and want people to: read this. LOL. I love your typos, they make me laugh.
Chris, how is the philippines!! I know it’s hot. I’m surprised to know that everyone thinks this is normal behavior, I guess I just better get used to it then. LOL
Mamaflo, well then, it stinks a bit. I’m almost back to identifying things and not just staring at them.
Brenda, brain fart, really? I need to do an internet search. I’ve heard just too much about this deadly gas.
Naturals last blog post..Brain Damaged
on July 14, 2008 at 3:19 am
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Hi Natural,
Thanks for visiting my blog.
I have to ask: are you a parent? Because if you are then your brain damage is very natural indeed. Since I’m a mom I have the impression that my brain is only half there anymore. I have attention deficit, keep forgetting thigns, mess things up, etc. Apparently that is quite normal. So I wouldn’t worry
Mindful Mimis last blog post..When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded – Stephen Wright
on July 14, 2008 at 8:22 pm
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Hi Mindful…yes I’m a parent, she didn’t come with a warning label…wait, she didn’t even come with a warning.
Everyone keeps telling me this is natural and normal so I guess I’ll just have to ride the wave then. I thought I had at least 30 more years in me before I hit brain damage.
Thank you too for stopping by.
on July 17, 2008 at 10:44 am
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I was feeling sick while reading your post
dono how you were actually feeling writing this post
not sure about but now i surely need a break from virtual world for some time
Sunil Pathaks last blog post..6 Deep Linking Strategies That Actually Works
on July 19, 2008 at 9:39 am
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Sunil Pathak, it was an interesting week. Nothing like living in the Duh moment for a few days. I am taking virtual breaks now. I am a little concerned that most people consider this to be normal. I didn’t get the memo.
on July 20, 2008 at 5:12 pm
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Natural -
Your awesome writing suggest that you are making us July fool. Is there anything called July zombie?
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..Warren Buffett’s 7 Secrets for Living a Happy and Simple Life
on July 20, 2008 at 11:27 pm
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I’m coming from a long vacation, with no internet access, HIPPY! May I suggest that to you. I was laughing at the first sentence because it was like you were reading my mind, “I’m so [fill in the blank] at a loss for words”, That’s how I’m feeling now – my mind is still on vacation, I seriously do not feel like blogging. Any who, you the one who always gets me out of a rut, so please pretty please relax, take some time out and come back all so fresh and so clean, LOL.
on July 21, 2008 at 7:33 pm
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Shilpan, thanks for the compliment, but the week for me read just as I wrote it. I stared at a blinking cursor. Never heard of July Zombie, but it sounds like a disease to me, I’ll claim it.
Tondy, I’m not ready to be without my internet connection just yet. I’m just getting it back on a daily now. I can appreciate the break, but not right now, lol. Don’t want to blog? Don’t do it. I don’t, I forgot what I was supposed to be doing on this darn thing myself anyway. Of course, you don’t stay away too long, I’ll come a’knockin.
I’m relaxing for sure, down to 1.5 posts a week.
Hope you had a nice time, any pictures?
on August 31, 2008 at 10:57 pm
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I hear you about the brain damage. I feel like I have frontal lobe or executive issues. My attention is very poor, I have no motivation and very poor planning ability.
on September 1, 2008 at 2:47 pm
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Brain Diagram, that was a crazy week for me…although at times, it doesn’t seem like things are getting much better all the time. I’m in and out of….duh. Maybe it’s age? No motivation and poor planning. I know I used to be good at these things. Hmmmm. I’d like to meet that person again, who I used to be.
on November 5, 2008 at 5:57 pm
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You’re not the only one man, I’m like that sometimes too. I just can’t think or write, it’s like you’re just stumped or something. But, on the other hand, I’m really quick with stuff on other days. Some doctors say it has to do with what you eat. I heard that reading helps the exercising of the brain so you might want to try that. Cool to hear that you only paid $10 for $20 fill up at the gas station!
on November 11, 2008 at 10:25 am
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Maybe at the time it was sleep related. Don’t know, but what a funky few days it was. I was slower than slow. I used to read books a lot more than I do now, but yes, my brain has not been getting the proper things it needs.
Oh no, I didn’t cheat the gas attendant, I fessed up. Couldn’t do it.